All The Feels

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
Ecclesiastes 3:4-6

I am not a super emotional, cry at the drop of a hat type of person.  At least, I never thought I was.

I do not cry at movies.  

I absolutely do not get all sappy and mushy on the inside.  

Except I do.

Now.  

Last year was one of those years will probably end up being one of the most memorable years of my life.  When I start talking to people about some of the events of the year, I start getting the “wow” look from people.  You know the look I’m talking about. The look of compassion and pity for some of the awful things in life that happen.  

And then I keep talking about the year.

And jaws just keep getting closer and closer to the floor.

By the end of the year, I was just over it.  I was tired of death and funerals and loss.

I. Was.  Over. It.  

I truly believe that every single thing that happened last year was designed to test my faith and my strength.  And I would like to think that I passed. Not necessarily with flying colors. But I like to think that I squeaked by with a pass.  

One of the most overwhelming experiences for me during all of those difficult times was the complete range of emotions I felt.  There were good days, and there were bad days. And then there were the really, really, REALLY bad days. The days I cried all day long.  The days I could barely leave the couch because I just wasn’t sure what else to do.

I wasn’t ok.

Those days just sucked.  

I also realized that it’s actually ok to admit that I wasn’t ok.

But sometimes those days are just needed.  I needed those days, when I could just lay on the couch, and veg out, and cry.  Those days allowed me to be ok when I needed to be ok. It’s a balancing act.

I believe that as humans, sometimes, we hide some of those emotions that we believe are negative.  We hide them as if we’re not allowed to have a bad day, and therefore the perception is that everything is just sunshine and puppy dogs.  

News flash!!  Not every single day is sunshine and puppy dogs.  

Even bigger news flash!!  That’s ok!!

Here’s the deal…

We were designed in God’s image.  See, it says so right here in Genesis 1:27…

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

And throughout the Bible, we see evidence of God’s range of emotions.  God doesn’t experience just the one emotion.

So we mere humans, created in God’s image, we were created to experience all of these emotions, too.  Not to be controlled by them. But to experience all of them.  

I have to be honest with you.  The verse above from Ecclesiastes has to be one of my favorites.  Because right now, I’m singing the verse. I have known the song for years.  But I honestly don’t think I truly even began to comprehend the enormity of those verses until recently.  

There is a time for everything.  A time to experience every emotion.  And without that complete range of emotion, the happy just wouldn’t quite be the same.  

Roll with me on this one.  If you were over the top, exuberantly happy every.  Single. Day. Do you honestly think you would feel over the top happy?  Or would you just feel normal. Blah. Like ho hum, this is just how I feel again today.  Because you wouldn’t know any different. You just feel how you feel.

It’s only when you compare it to a not so ok day that you truly begin to comprehend how wonderful and amazing happiness feels.  

So there is a time for over the top bubbling happiness.  And then there is also a time for ugly crying. And believe me, ugly crying is just my most absolute favorite thing in the whole entire world.  Really. It is.

Every hardship.  Every struggle. Every loss.  It’s all for a purpose. It’s all an opportunity for growth.  We become stronger because of those challenges. We become better people for having experienced the things we have.

And the next time you’re upset and ugly crying…think about this.  You care enough about someone to ugly cry over them. You have enough love in your heart to ugly cry.  That kind of love, no matter how annoying the ugly crying may be, cannot be all bad.